Taken, Not Spurred (Lone Star Burn) by Cardello Ruth

Author:Cardello, Ruth [Cardello, Ruth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Montlake Romance
Published: 2014-09-23T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Sarah woke up in Tony’s arms and froze. Her cheeks warmed as she remembered the drive to the cabin. Normally, she would have said that most displays of affection were best kept private. She and Doug had shared quick public kisses at the beginning or end of a date, but they’d both agreed that more than that was inappropriate.

She and Tony had no such agreement.

In fact, it was a little unsettling to consider what she’d agreed to by coming with him to his cabin. All or nothing.

I agreed to “all” without reading the fine print. What if “all” exceeds my temporary throw-caution-to-the-wind-to-discover-the-real-me comfort zone? Desire sliced through her as she remembered how good it had felt to feel so out of control and safe at the same time.

She ran her hand over Tony’s chest and followed the trail of hair to his navel. She and Doug had always gotten dressed after sex, perhaps a habit left over from a lack of privacy in college. They’d never slept nude together.

Funny thing to be sad about. I hope he finds someone who shows him all the joys that neither of us thought to try. There was something wonderfully innocent about sleeping together in this natural state. No barriers. Trust in its most elemental form.

I do trust you, Tony. I don’t care what you did, I know you’re a good man. What happened to you? What can’t you forgive yourself for?

She cringed when she remembered how she’d blurted out what had happened to her younger brother. None of her friends knew. No one in her family spoke of it after that summer. None of the family photos included Phil, and there were times when she tried to conjure his face and couldn’t. That was when she felt the most guilt, when she could almost forget.

Denial, even when unanimously adopted, never cured the heartache—it only hid it. And pain that is not faced festers, just as Tony’s had. I was living a lie. I needed to come here to see why I’m so unhappy. I don’t want the perfect life they crafted for me. I don’t want to forget it happened. I want to carry a photo of Phil in my pocket. I want to remember him on his birthdays. I want to apologize to him for not understanding how quickly a life can be lost.

All because I’m a daydreamer with stories in my head as vivid as reality sometimes. Characters who feel like friends. Worlds I build whether I write them down or not. Is that why I couldn’t write? Was I holding myself back because I blamed my stories for Phil’s death?

That’s not what he would want.

I’m so sorry, Phil. Sorry that it was you and not me. Sorry that we moved on like you didn’t matter. Sorry that I’m so tired of being sorry.

Some say that nothing is random. People come into our lives for a reason. Maybe Tony and I need to learn the same lesson. He shut himself away from the world so he wouldn’t feel the pain.

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